Stress Balls & Chinese Molasses

My supervisor, currently mumbling incomprehensibly and launching insults at our apathetic NetSuite program, has taken to cutting up foam stress balls and tossing the sad portions into my trash bin. I assume his reasons are stress-relieving in nature, or the ambushes that take place downstairs in the shipping department have strayed into genitally unsafe territory and he is now taking steps to preempt catastrophy. Which I guess is pretty heroic.

Tuesday now and my post-weekend listlessness demands that I find entertainment. In between answering emails and harassing coworkers with my newfound love of Fire Science, I sometimes go over our website to look for things to edit or write about. Through a concentrated effort of blind clicking and voodoo, TestCountry, a fancy teal and blue gem in the gaudy headdress of cyberspace, has given up to me an even fancier gem: the Drug Slang Search Feature. It promises at least five (FIVE!) whole minutes of distraction. Most inventive names so far include:

• Chinese Molasses (opium)
  
• Speed Boat (a marijuana, PCP, and cocaine cocktail)
  
• Idiot Pills (barbiturates)
  
• Georgia Home Boy (GHB)
  
• Chicken Powder (amphetamines)
  and
  
• Chocolate Ecstasy (crack cocaine made brown by adding chocolate milk powder during production)
  

All of which, of course, are part of a complete breakfast.